ONE YEAR
by DopeyTheChosen1
Summary: Ward hates Irvine. Irvine is terrified of Ward. don't make sense now, but wait for FF 8.2 to be finished, then you may understad. see ch. 6explanation. sumry: irvine has to live with ward because he is unstable for 1year. but will he survive? randomhumor
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE

This story is based on my buddy's Final Fantasy 8.2. Basically she's rewriting the whole game- making it a whole lot funnier. It's just a work in progress at this time though, but when it's finished (within the next few decades, I hope) I'll let you know so you can see what I'm talking about. There are some new characters we made up:

Raymond: He's a fashion designer and Irvine's best friend! He tries to keep Irvine's half-insanity in check but does a fairly poor job of it.

Cherise: Ward's daughter, Irvine's girlfriend, you'll get to know her better in FF 8.2

Tomo: Ward's other daughter and Raymond's (somewhat abusive) girlfriend. I think she learns her tactics from Raine-sama

Jesse and Kyle: Ward's sons.

Yeah… so basically we gave Ward a family and Irvine a best friend and new girlfriend. Other things to know:

Ward is a butcher, sometimes Raymond and Irvine work for him in very, uh, "STYLISH" aprons…don't ask, that is another fanfic.

Irvine is half-insane in all of these "mini-fics", though not in the 8.2. He was, but we decided that things would get way to confusing in the main story if he was. So we took him to get a lobotomy.

Okay, am I missing anything? Oh yeah! Ward can talk and he has a wife, too. And he constantly beats up on Raymond and Irvine.

Now please enjoy "ONE YEAR".


	2. A strange robbery

Disclaimer: I do not own any final fantasy characters.

-0-

CHAPTER ONE : A STRANGE ROBBERY

-0-

It was a quiet, early, bright, December no-one-up-yet morning in town of Winhill. The shops on Main Street were just beginning to open. Except for the Butcher's, simply because Jesse had turned off Ward's alarm clock. Though there were many stores, our story begins in the Tri-Store.

Why is it called the Tri-Store? Because it is a one-room building that contains a Burger King, Candy Castle, and a Claire's Jewelers. Though all of the stores are connected, there was also a separate door for each that let people in and outside. Apparently it is a VERY BIG BUILDING.

On this particular morning, the three assistant managers were beginning to open their respectful shops. In a few hours the other employees would arrive and business would begin. By nine in the morning the place was alive with activity. But nothing REALLY happened until lunch time.

Around lunch, all activity moved into the Burger King section. There were tons of people--some eating, some drinking, some whining, and some playing with those little cheap crap-toys. All in all, everyone was doing what they were usually doing, except for the cashier, who, being the only employee there (except the "cooks"), was getting sued because there was no play area. Once the angry grandmother and wailing grandkids left, the cashier thought that everything was going to calm down. This wasn't meant to be. At exactly 12:01, the Burger King's main entrance banged open and in walked a very tall man.

He was dressed in a tan trench coat and pants, with a purple shirt underneath. He also wore black fingerless gloves, so he could pull the trigger on the rifle he was holding in the cashier's face. On his head was a black cowboy hat, and under it, concealing his face, was a…uh, er, a um…pink…ski mask.

Though he looked really comical, no one was laughing.

"Alright mister…uh, MISTER!" The man demanded. "I want to see Ronald McDonald RIGHT NOW!!!"

"Well," the cashier said, relieved, maybe this guy was just an idiot after all. "Then you want McDonald's. They're across the street."

"Oh," the man lowered the gun. "Well thank you very much!" He turned to leave, but as he grabbed the door handle, he swung around. "HEY! What are you trying to do?! Sidetrack me!? Why the hell would I go to McDonald's anyway? They don't let you have things YOU'RE WAY!!"

He stuck the gun back in the cashier's face. "Do you know why I chose this place?"

"Um…Because you want things your way and we provide that?" The cashier guessed.

"EXACTLY!!" The man grinned. "And you know what my way is?"

"Uh…A free number one with a coke and double fries?"

"Sure!" The man lowered the gun and the cashier relaxed "I love coke- Hey! What are ya' tryin' ta' pull?? My way is for you to fork over the cash and everything else in that cash register! And hurry it up! This is my ONLY lunch minute this week, if you haven't noticed that yet! Move it move it move it! C'mon soldier! Move it!"

Since the gun had dutifully resumed its position in his face, the cashier handed over all the money. What else could he do? But he didn't stop there… the robber had said EVERYTHING.

Into the man's bag went a few sticks of gum, some ABC gum that he had to scrape of with a penny, an old Valentines Day card, and the Assistant Managers dentures.

"Dentures?" The robber looked into the bag, when his face came up he sounded confused (he probably LOOKED confused too, but the pink ski masked was hiding his face so we may never know…) "Why would someone have DENTURES in a cash register?"

"I dunno'," the cashier shrugged. "They're not mine. Um… Thank you for choosing Burger King, please come again." The cashier really needed some new underwear.

"Oh, I will." The man gave the cashier THE LOOK. "I WILL." He then grabbed the loot and ran into the next area, laughing maniacally. "MWUAHAHAHAHAHAcoughcoughcoughHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

- 0 -

The cashier at the Candy Castle was reading a book at the time she was robbed. Business had been really slow and she was bored. Why didn't I remember my iPod? She wondered. She had short straight, blonde hair with brown streaks in it and she wore a white shirt with a black apron on it--her highly distasteful uniform.

So there she was, sitting behind the counter, being nice and bored out of her skull. And who should come through the door way from the Burger King section other than some moron waving a gun around? The first thing she noticed was his bizarre outfit. And of course her reaction was, "Oh cool! You goin' to a costume party?"

"Huh? Who, me? You think this is a costume? Lady, this is what I wear everyday. Well, other than the ski- hey! What is it with all of you people sidetracking me? NO! I am NOT going to some stupid costume party! I'm sticking you up!" After that outburst he stood there a minute, panting and trying to catch his breath. When he did, he said. "Now hand over all of your Jolly Ranchers, Skittles, Mike and Ikes, Candy bars, Tootsie Pops, Lemonheads-"

"Hey! That's like everything! She cut him off. "How do you know that!? Are you psychic or something!?"

"Huh? Oh, honestly, I was just reading them off the menu." He shrugged. "Whatever. Just give me all the edible things here!" He slipped a few boxes of "Atomic Fireballs" into his pocket, then he ran out into the final section of his Reign of Terror!! Hahahahaha!!

- 0 -

"Gimme' All of your—hey! What gives!?" The man lifted up his ski mask for a second to get a better look. He shoved his back down over his face. "This is just a jewelry store!"

"Yeah, so? You gotta' problem?" The big, muscular, hairy, looks-like-he-doesn't-belong-in-a-jewelry-store-type cashier said.

"No." The man said in a really high-pitched voice. Truth be told, he also needed a new pair of underwear. Then he got himself together. "I mean, not really. See, I'm insane, can I rob you?"

"Insane, huh?" The cashier sniffed. "Insane? D-did you say i-insane? I had a brother that was insane… H-here! Take it! Take it all!" As he began crying uncontrollably, the cashier passed the man handfuls of the most expensive things.

"Uh…Gee, thanks, dude." The man grabbed a value pack of pink fuzzy, hello kitty socks and underwear on his way out the door. Unfortunately, someone in BK had called the police.

"Uh Oh".


	3. Trial

Disclaimer: I own kaput. (the made up characters belong to Smackthedog) the plot is mine though…not that it counts or anything, right?

-0-

CHAPTER TWO : TRIAL

- 0 -

"Irvine Kinneas?" The judge asked, looking over the room. "Is it true that you robbed the Tri-store on Main Street?"

"Yes, well, actually, no." Irvine said. "You see, the gave it all to me WILLINGLY."

"You shoved a GUN in their faces."

"A TOY gun."

"Whatever. I just have one question, why did you do it at twelve o'clock? Wouldn't it have been easier to do it at night?"

Irvine was looking at his fingers. "Hey, Raymond," He turned to his friend. "Was that two questions?" Raymond nodded. "I thought so. I also thought that judges were suppose to be honest or something like that." Raymond shook his head. "Ah. Well that explains a lot." HE turned back to the judge. "Well, you see, it was my lunch break. I don't get much free time to myself other than that."

"Whatever."

"Huh? But you asked me—"

"Looking at your record, it says that you are insane, right?"

Irvine whispered to Raymond. "You're right. Here she goes again with more questions." Then he said to the judge. "Only halfway."

"Do you realize your suppose to call me 'Your Honor' or something like that?"

"Yes."

"Why don't you?"

"I'm half insane."

"Whatever."

"Would you quit—"

"Right. And you take medication…" Judge Whatever adjusted her glasses. "And you take medication that doesn't really work very well?"

"Yup. Yupyupyup!"

"There! See, that's the problem! Your medication—"

"Actually, I prefer the term 'meds'."

"Whatever. Your medication isn't working properly, so therefore you are unstable."

The court room fell silent waiting for Irvine's reply.

"Unstable?"

"It means you aren't in your right mind."

"Oh, I already knew that."

"So, we know of only one person who can possibly have a chance of making you stable."

Way in the back of the courtroom, Ward Zabac crouched down, trying not to be seen as he thought of an excuse. He knew where this conversation was going. And he didn't like it.

"Wimbleton Zabac!!" The judge announced.

"WHAT!?" Irvine jumped out of his chair and nearly choked on an atomic fireball. "WARD?!?"

"Yes. I believe you will have to live with him for one year…"

"NOOOOOOOOO—hey! I get to live with Chirese! I get to live with—"

"In another house about ten miles from his own."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Sh! Irvine, calm down!" Raymond grabbed Irvine's nose to keep him from hyperventilating. "This isn't the end, see? I got you a lawyer!"

"Really? You did? Thanks!—" Irvine looked up to see Laguna dressed in a suit complete with briefcase and dorky glasses walk into the room. "—But no thanks."

Irvine's mind raced. He had to find a way out of this! _Howhowhow—_

_Howhowhow!?_ Ward thought in unison.

"Why can't he stay with me?" Raymond spoke up.

_Yes! Go Raymond go!_ Irvine thought.

_Nice save…but I'll still kill you given the chance…_

"Because you are unstable too, and will be living with another person who should be able to make you stable in the form of a cat." The judge explained.

"I'm gonna' be living with a cat?"

"No, you are going to BE a cat." And before she could tell him more, the judge was interrupted by Irvine.

"NOONONONONONO! I WON'T GO WITH HIM, I WON'T!!" Irvine was climbing out a window. A couple of the guards grabbed him and drug him back into the room. "NO!"

"Irvine! I'll save you!" Raymond lunged for his friend, but some more body guards appeared from nowhere and held him in place as Irvine was dragged out of the room. "NO! BUT HE NEEDS ME!"

As the doors closed in slow motion behind him, Irvine cried out to Raymond one last time. "BEEEEEE GOOOOOOOOODD." Then the doors slammed shut. Irvine Kinneas, your fate is sealed.

"Mr. Zabac." The judge told Ward. "You will have to stay in that house with him and make him stable for exactly one year, maybe more. Understood?"

"Yes." Ward was going to kill that cowboy.

"And you can't kill him until this is over, which would be January 15th, next year. Okay?"

"Okay…" Ward turned and followed the guards who were still dragging Irvine and slow motion. "Oh, stop it you Drama Queens!"

"Now," the judge turned back to Raymond, who was morning over the loss of Irvine. "Back to your case. You will have to spend time with someone was well. Like I said before, in the form of a cat."

"And like I said before, am I going to live with a cat?"

"No," the judge said. "As I had said after you said before after what I said before after Irvine was dragged away with the dramatized malfunction of the doors, you are going to BE a cat."

"HUH?"

And with a wave of her wand and a little bit of magic, the judge had transformed Raymond into a small cat. He mewed sadly and tried to fight as one of the body guards stuffed him into a cage.

"But who does he get to live with?" Irvine thought. Just about anyone would be better than Ward.

Just then, Fujine walked in the doors and picked Raymond's cage up. "KITTY." She said in her one word monotone. She pulled a lighter out of no where and flicked it on. "Barbecue."

"MEOW?"

Fujine turned to a man beside her. "VET?"

"Yes?" He asked.

"FIX." She said as she handed her Raymond.

"MOW??" For some reason, he wished he were with Ward.


	4. January

Disclaimer: I own kaput (nothing). (the made up characters belong to Smackthedog)

-0-

CHAPTER THREE : JANUARY

- 0 -

"Well," Ward said as he and Irvine arrived at their new "Home". "We're in this together, so—"

Irvine automatically broke out into song. "_Oh, we're all in this togeth—_" Ward grabbed his neck. "—_theeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr._"

"NO. There will be none of that, cowboy. Now listen up." Ward smacked him good and hard to make sure he was listening. "Here's the run down on the house. First floor had kitchen, dining room, living room, master bedroom, and a bathroom. I live down here."

"Right, so where do I live?"

"Upstairs has three bedrooms, a bathroom, a study, and stairs to—"

"Right, but where do I live?"

"—The attic."

"Well, duh, where else would they go? But seriously, where do I live?"

"The attic."

"What?"

"Okay then, the basement. Take your pick."

"Why can't I just up on the second floor? I'd only come down for meals and stuff."

"Hmm…" As Ward thought about it, Irvine picked his nose. (Ward's, not his.) "CUT THAT OUT!!" The butcher grabbed the cowboy's hand and squeezed it until he heard a satisfying crunch. "Sure. Now get your ass upstairs."

"Can I-"

"I don't care what you do, just stay up there!"

"Right!" Irvine grabbed the bag of stuff that he had robbed earlier. "I mean…SIR YES SIR!!" He saluted Ward and got a bonk on the head.

It had been around five when they had gotten home and not it was about nine thirty. Irvine had been quiet this whole time and Ward figured that he must have gone right to sleep. "Time for me to get in bed too." He muttered as he made his way to his bedroom.

As he was falling asleep, he couldn't help but wonder why the heck Irvine was being so quiet. It was against his nature. In the end he got up and went upstairs. He checked the two bedrooms and the bathroom but Irvine was still missing. The third bedroom, which was at the end of the hall and the furthest away from the stairs, was locked.

Luckily, Ward had a key.

As he opened the door he muttered about all of the horrible things he was going to do to the stupid cowboy. He swung the door open.

"Alright Irv-"

Irvine was gone.

Ward didn't understand it. The door was locked, the window was locked. He looked around the room. There wasn't anything strange about the bed or dresser. The only other thing in the room was a mirror, which was firmly held in place in the wall. It just didn't make sense. Was it possible that Irvine had snuck out while Ward wasn't paying attention?

"That's impossible." Ward muttered to himself as he went to check the study. "My Sixth Sense would've been going off like crazy."

The door to the study was unlocked and open a few inches. Ward swung it open cautiously, half expecting there to be a bucket of water or something nasty up there. Turned out he had nothing to worry about, so he stepped inside. The study was empty too.

Ward ran back downstairs (RUN CHUBBY RUN!!) and checked the rest of the rooms and the basement.

Irvine had simply disappeared.

- 0 -

Meanwhile, about twelve feet underground, Irvine was attempting to dig a tunnel to Chirese's house. He sat the pickaxe on the dirt floor and leaned at against the wall. The tunnel wasn't very high, so he had to crouch and crawl on his hands and knees while holding the pickaxe in his teeth. (Just joking). Why was he using a pickaxe? Simple, the plastic spoons broke.

Irvine let out a big gust of air that made a shrunken Squall, who was flying in a shrunken Ragnarok, go sailing into the other side of the tunnel and have to eject or die in the collision. (That's my shout out to Sir Shrink-a-lot!) He had been digging for several hours now and had only come about three miles.

He sighed again, this time sending a shrunk Rinoa to the same fate as Squall. Maybe he had should have done more research. He wasn't even sure if the map was right.

(Maybe I should rewind and let you know how this came to be.

When Ward had chased him upstairs, the first thing Irvine had done was picked a room. He'd chosen the one furthest down the hall for a number of reasons:

It was the furthest from the stairs. He had some bad memories of stairs. They were part of the reason he was insane.

It was right above Ward's room, so he figured that he could annoy Ward without breaking any rules.

It had a bathroom joining it, so he wouldn't have to go near the stairs.

And now there was a fourth reason, the mirror opened into a tunnel that was suppose to go to the other house. Problem was, the "tunnel" was really just a secret route to twelve feet below the basement. It ended there.

Irvine had started off with several plastic spoons (which were always recommended by cartoon characters.), after he had gone a few miles they all broke at the same time. He then continued the rest of the way using his hands (and sometimes his face), until he found the pickaxe, then he finished the last half a mile until he was were he is now, exactly three miles to the next house.)

Now he guessed that it was getting pretty late and decided to head back to the ladder that led up to the mirror in his room. If he hurried, he had time for a shower before ten.

Ward decided that Irvine would show up sooner or later and went back to bed. he was just falling asleep when he heard the upstairs shower come on.

_Oh, good._ He thought, _Irvine must be back. I'll break his other hand tomorrow._

He was drifting back to sleep when suddenly he heard:

"**_ARE YOU FEELING FIIIIIINE_**

_**LA LALALA LA LA LALA**_

_**LA LALALA LA LA LALA**_

_**SHE SAID, LOVING YOU MADE ME HAPPY **_

_**EVERYYYYYYYYYYYYYY DAY-HAY!**_

_**BLAH BLAHBLAHBLAH BLAH BLAH BLAHBLAH**_

**_I DON'T KNOW JAPANEEEESEE…_**"

Ward got up again and went upstairs to kill Irvine. When he threw open the door to Irvine's bathroom, all he remembers is a loud, piercing shriek, and then an assortment of items attacked him; rubber duckies, towels, sponges, bottles of shampoo, bars of soap, and the towel rod as well. He quickly ducked back out and slammed the door.

"Dumb cowboy!" Ward yelled into the door.

"At least I'm a cowboy and not a cow!" Came the reply.

Ward felt the anger welling up inside him. That stupid little turd! He tried opening the door again but Irvine had surprisingly gotten smart and locked it for a change. Damn him! Ward had left his key downstairs.

"You just wait you little bastard!"

"I thought I was a cowboy! Make up you mind!"

As Ward turned to go, Irvine's voice followed him downstairs, "MOOOO. MOOOOOOOO. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTA! MOOMOO—" There was a loud crash as Irvine slipped on the soap and did a back flip into the tub as the shower nozzle fell on him and turned on just as the downstairs toilet flushed. OUCH.

Coincidence? I think not. CoughWardCough.

- 0 -

"Irvine! Get up you dumbass!" Ward's voice echoed throughout the house early the next day. "You've got some assignments!"

Assignments? What he hell…? Was Irvine's thought as he rolled out of bed, forgetting that he wasn't sleeping in his own close to the floor bed, and did a face plant on the hard wood floor. PAIN.

After he got dressed he went downstairs to see Ward all dressed and looking like he was ready to go somewhere.

"Where are you going?" Irvine asked as he stuck his head in the fridge.

"I have a job you know," Ward told him. "Now listen up, you are not allowed to leave this house. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I've set up one of those electric fences around the house. So don't try anything, okay?"

"You getting a dog or something?" Irvine asked after gulping down the rest of the milk. "You're gonna' want to buy some more of that today."

"No," Ward said as he opened the electric collar. "I'm not getting a dog."

"WHAT?"

- 0 -

The small black cat darted from trash can to trash can, making sure he wasn't seen. He was all black except for his yellow paws. He also had yellow at the tip of his ears and tail, which was slightly singed.

Seeing Ward leave the house and get in the car, the cat darted under the deck, waiting until the car drove out of sight. He then began scratching at the door, meowing loudly. When no one came to the door, he ran over the kitchen window and began scratching on that.

Inside he could see Irvine burning himself as he tried to toast a pop-tart. The cat meowed louder. Irvine finally looked up and came to the window. That's when the cat noticed IT. The blue collar around Irvine's neck. Then the cat also looked out to the yard, seeing the little stakes in the ground, marking the electric fence.

NO WAY. The cat thought as Irvine let him in.

"'Sup, Cat?" Irvine asked as he closed the window. "What are you doing here?"

"Just visiting." The cat replied casually. "Did he really…?"

"Yeah…" Irvine said, glaring down at the collar around his neck. "So, why's your tail smokin'?"

"Fujine decided to have a Barbecue with me as the main course. I just escaped in fact."

"Raymond?"

"Yes."

Irvine stared at his friend for a moment. Then burst out laughing. "Y-YOU'RE A CAT! A FRIGGIN' CAT! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S HILARIOUS!"

"WHAT's hilarious? I think the fact that Ward got that collar around your BIG AIRHEAD!"

"EXCUSE ME?"

"ANYMORE GAS IN THAT THING AND YOU'D FLOAT AWAY!"

"OH SHUT UP!"

"NO!" Raymond slapped Irvine with his pay.

"Hey!" Irvine slapped the cat.

Slapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslap!

Slapslapslapslapslapslapslap!

Just then, Laguna decided to walk by.

"Good God boy, why're you slapping a cat?"

"Laguna, this guy has been pushing me and pushing me, and I can't take it anymore."

"Whoa." Laguna looked up at the sky. "Where did that come from?"

"I don't know…I think maybe I saw that in a movie once or something, so I said it automatically."

"Good bye!" Laguna jogged away.

Raymond took this moment to slap Irvine again.

"Okay, I'm done." He said. "Wanna' come outside?"

"Sure." As soon as he took one step out the door, he was electrocuted. At this same time, Ward drove up, spooking Raymond, who ran away. As he walked back into the house, Irvine muttered to himself. "This is going to be a long year…"

- 0 -

Raymond stopped by again, this time coming in through Irvine's window. He said he had good news.

"What? Am I gonna' get released early?" Irvine asked hopefully.

Raymond prepared to launch himself out the window. "Not YOU." Then he disappeared into the night.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTT?!?!!?!?"

- End January -


	5. February

Disclaimer: I own kaput. (the made up characters belong to Smackthedog)

-0-

CHAPTER FOUR : FEBRUARY (part one)

- O -

February, the "bad weather month". Speaking of which, it was now raining and thundering outside Ward and Irvine's imprisonment.

Irvine had finally gotten smart and Ward took off the electric collar, though he left the invisible fence up. Irvine had managed to sneak out and had pawned off enough of the things he had stolen to buy himself a PlayStation. Right now he was upstairs in his room playing it. He was on the final battle. And real close to taking down the ULTRA MONSTER, too.

Ward was downstairs watching a football game on his TV. He had a nice cold beer in one hand and the TV remote in the other. He was content for now. The only thing that could be better was if he was at his own home away from Irvine.

Things happened really fast.

The storm picked up and was beginning to really howl. Irvine was a few minutes away from defeating the ULTRA MONSTER. Ward's game was about to finish up-the two teams were tied and it had gone into third overtime. The lighting hit a tree, which fell. Irvine hit the ULTRA MONSTER the final time. Ward watched as the last touchdown was about to be made…5…4…3…2…

The tree hit a power line and the lights went out followed by the TVs and other electronics. That was followed by Irvine's loud wail of defeat, and Ward's cussing of annoyance.

"Irvine!" He roared from the bottom of the stairs. "What the hell did you do!?"

"Well," came Irvine's voice as he explained between sobs. "First I traveled through the seven levels of the Candy Cane Forest. Then over the Ocean Of Gumdrops…wait…that's not how it goes…"

"Shut up then and get down here!"

"Sir yes sir!"

"Shut up!"

"Okay…"

"I said shut up!"

"…"

"That's much better."

"You're welcome."

"SHUT! UP!"

Irvine eventually made it downstairs without Ward hurting him to badly and they discussed what they should do until the power came back on.

"We could play CandyLand." Irvine suggested.

"No."

"Poker?"

"No."

"Crazy Eights?"

"No."

"Monopoly?"

"No."

"Arm wrestle?"

"You'd lose."

"I know."

They sat in silence for awhile. Then Ward said, "Scrabble?"

"You're the boss, applesauce."

"Don't do that."

"Okay."

And so we join our 'heroes' a few hours later, playing a game of Scrabble by candlelight. …sigh….how romantic…

Irvine looked over the board. "Well, with your 'drain' I can spell out 'pain'." He did so and wrote down the points.

Ward looked at the board. "Can we use names?"

"Sure, why not?"

Ward put down "Chirese."

"Hmm…" Irvine looked over the board again. "With the 's' on 'Chirese' I can make 'sex—"

Ward glared at him and grabbed his big ol' harpoon.

"—ophone'. Saxophone…" Irvine finished.

"That's not how you spell it."

"This kind is."

"Oh really? Then what kind of item is it?"

"It's what happens when you break my back."

"Let's try it."

"HAHA. Maybe tomorrow."

They played for awhile later. As they played, they were each lost in their own thoughts.

Ward was thinking,_ You know, Irvine really isn't that bad. he could even be my adopted son, except for the fact he won't leave my daughter alone… If you think about it, we're bound to get along sooner or later. May as well be now._

While he played down some dirty words, Irvine was thinking, _Ward really isn't that bad. His only bad quality is keeping Chirese and me apart…if it weren't for that, maybe we could get along. maybe I should try to make contact…_

They looked up at each other at the same time…Just as Ward put down "Friends" on the board.

"Uh...um…How about 'Go Fish'?" Irvine asked nervously. He didn't like the way Ward was looking at him. IT wasn't evil or menacing…almost normal.

"Sure." Ward put the board away as Irvine found some cards.

As they played, their bond grew and grew. As Ward played his last, winning card, he stood up and hugged Irvine. Irvine hesitantly hugged him back.

As they sat there, thinking of all the things they might be able to accomplish if they were together-Irvine mainly thinking of Chirese-the lights came back on.

Ward's eyes popped open and he threw Irvine against the wall. "Yuck! Get your ass back upstairs and don't try to be nice to me to get your hands on Chirese!"

"B-but…" Irvine began as Ward advanced on him. "You hugged me first…I thought maybe…"

"UPSTAIRS! NOW!"

And things went back to normal.

- 0 -

PART TWO : VALENTINES DAY SPECIAL

(take one)

For Valentines day, Irvine snuck out and managed to get to Chirese's house without Ward knowing—or so he thought. His plan was simple—leave the flowers and chocolate he had bought earlier on the door step and get back to his room before Ward knew he was gone. IT would have been safer to take the tunnel, yes, but it wasn't quite finished yet. And before it would be any easier, he planned on installing a little rail car thing to take him back and forth.

He put his plan into action. Ward had been watching a ball game and appeared to be hypnotized and completely oblivious to everything around him. Irvine had an easy time getting out of the house—Until the door slammed shut.

He sprinted the first few miles to Chirese's, then caught a bus, which didn't stop until it left the neighborhood, so he had to jump off the roof when he was another mile away from the house.

He sprinted the rest of the way and set the gifts on the doorstep. Then he rang to doorbell, as he stood there panting, he heard footsteps coming to the door.

Heavy footsteps…

"OH SHIT."

Irvine tried to run, but he was too late. The door swung open and Ward's fist collided with Irvine's face.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Irvine flew back in slow motion. "HHOOOWWW DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDD YYYOOOOUUUU BEEEAAATT MEEEEE!?"

Ward waved and grinned in slow motion. "IIIII DDRROOOOOVVVE!!

"GOOOO FIIIIGGUUURRE!" Irvine said before landing about a mile away and then was engulfed by a nuclear explosion.

- o -

(take two)

This time Irvine just walked to Chirese's house, after getting the electric collar off and turning on the stereo and locking his door. This way he would have enough energy to run if he needed to. He put the candy and flowers on the doorstep, but this time he rang the doorbell and ran off.

But Ward had been aware of Irvine's determination. He had made sure Kyle and Jessie would take care of it all so he could watch the game and not be bothered. The two boys came out of the house after Irvine left and replaced his candy with their own.

"Got the 'shitty worm candy'?"

"Check. Got the 'poison ivy flowers?"

"Yup."

They rang the doorbell and left.

Tomo answered it and wrinkled her nose at the stench of the gift. "Chirese? It's for thou."

- 0 -

Later that night as Irvine sat in bed, he heard the doorbell ring and went to answer it. On the doorstep was a box of (smelly) candy and some flowers. Irvine ate on of the strange tasting candies as he read the attached note.

_Dear Irivne_

_Happy Vday!_

_-Chirese_


	6. explanation of the whole damn thing!

explanation chapter.

you'd find this out in final fantasy viii.2, if j-chan ever decides to finish it, but anyhoo, ward has this daughter, see, named Cherise. Irvine is Cherise's boyfriend, but Ward doesn't really like that, so he is constantly keeping Irvine away from his daughter.

and Irvine's friend Raymond is hanging around Ward's OTHER daughter, Tomo, so therefore ward hates him too. so, now do you see the humor in those two having to live with eachother? and by the way, this is a total Irvine basher, but he seems to recover every time. I have nothing against Irvine! ok? in fact, he's probably my favorite character from the game, and he's also my corresponding character, other than the thing about being a perv. so, just give it a chance, will you? not much starts to happen until chapter three, and future chapters will all be very disturbing. thanx to Janet, by the way.

PLEASE R&R!!!!


End file.
